The United Russia Guide to Winning Hearts and Minds. Strategy 5: Turn Reality Upside Down, Accuse Voters of Being “Hysterical” Wives. If That Doesn’t Work, Kidnap Their Kids and Threaten to Cripple Them

And now a special treat for all our readers struggling to master the “great and mighty” Russian tongue:

Here’s what we learned from watching this campaign advert:

  • “Everything will be okay” (in Russia).
  • According to polls, between forty and sixty percent of voters “plan” to vote for United Russia on December 4.
  • The disembodied voice narrating the clip has “personally talked to thousands of people over the past week.”
  • Something about Wi-Fi, flat screen TVs, and other gadgets: they were (apparently) invented by United Russia.
  • When it asked her “what has changed for the better during the past five years,” one young lady in Ivanovo told the disembodied voice that she now can go to a “3D movie theater” with her girlfriend.
  • Another person likes the fact that now “fat ducks” float in the river rather than “rusty refrigerators.”
  • Hence: everything is already okay (in Russia).
  • Everything sucks everywhere else: financial crisis, people (especially “darkies”) demonstrating in the streets, etc., etc.
  • The state is the husband, society is the wife.
  • The “wife” (society) can “divorce” the “husband” (the state) if “she” likes and run off with Zyuganov, Zhirinovsky or Navalny, but then when things go sour, don’t come running back to me.
  • Part of the reason that the “wife” (society) has these funny thoughts of running away from the “husband” (the state) is that she spends a lot of time surfing “social networks.” These cause her to “lose her mind.”
  • “People are smiling, the future exists, problems are being solved one after another.”
  • “The brain is used to live better and richer, not to ‘go into hysterics’ at the drop of a hat.”
  • It would be “unfair” to Medvedev if on December 4, 5, and 6, the only people on the streets of Moscow were those people who think they live in an “awful country.”
  • The disembodied voice will “personally” mobilize and transport “15,000 people” to Moscow on December 4.
  • If the disembodied voice and the 15,000 people it has assembled and transported to Moscow encounter anyone in the streets of Moscow who is “dissatisfied,” the disembodied voice will tell these inexplicably disgruntled people, “Smile! Everything will be okay!”

_____

Meanwhile, back in the dark land of the inexplicably disgruntled…
http://www.kartanarusheniy.ru/6074

December 1, 2011

On December 1, Yana Bannikova, a minor and the daughter of Olga Bannikova, secretary of the Bratsk CPRF municipal committee, was abducted in the vicinity of the Bratsk Music College, on Komsomolskaya Street. The 16-year-old was forcibly put into a car without license plates. Three masked men were involved in the abduction. After badly frightening the girl, they demanded that she tell her mother to stop campaigning for the CPRF. Otherwise, they promised to cripple the girl.

A kidnapping report has been filed with the Investigative Committee.

Thanks (so to speak) to Comrades M. and D. for the heads-up.

Leave a comment

Filed under film and video, Russian society

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s